this ain't goodbye

You and I we're friends from outer space
Afraid to let go
The only two who understood this place
And as far as we know

We were way before our time
As bold as we were blind
Just another perfect mistake
Another bridge to take on the way to letting go

This ain't goodbye
This is just where love goes
When words aren't warm enough
To keep away the cold

Oh no, this ain't goodbye
It's not where our story ends
But I know you can't be mine
Not the way you've always been

As long as we've got time
Then this ain't goodbye
Oh no, this ain't goodbye

We were stars up in the sunlit sky
That no one else could see
Neither of us thought to ever ask why
It wasn't meant to be

Maybe we were way too high to ever understand
Baby, we were victims of all
All the foolish plans
We began to divide


But this ain't goodbye
This is just where love goes
When words aren't warm enough
To keep away the cold

Oh no, this ain't goodbye
It's not where our story ends
But I know you can't be mine
Not the way you've always been

As long as we've got time
This ain't goodbye
Oh no, this ain't goodbye
Oh no, this ain't goodbye
This ain't goodbye

You and I we're friends from outer space
Afraid to let go
The only two who understood this place
And as far as we know

This ain't goodbye
Oh no, this ain't goodbye
This ain't goodbye
Oh no, this ain't goodbye

This ain't goodbye
This is just where love goes
When words aren't warm enough
To keep away the cold

Oh no, this ain't goodbye
It's not where our story ends
But I know you can't be mine
Not the way you've always been
Oh no, don't say it
Don't say goodbye


** yeah, this ain't goodbye s.looked up at the moonlit sky just now and i realized we still share the same sky.maybe someday things will be better for us. 

hows it going to be?

I'm only pretty sure that I can't take anymore
Before you take a swing
I wonder what are we fighting for
When I say out loud
I want to get out of this
I wonder is there anything
I'm going to miss

I wonder how it's going to be
When you don't know me
How's it going to be
When you're sure I'm not there
How's it going to be
When there's no one there to talk to
Between you and me
Cause I don't care
How's it going to be
How's it going to be

Where we used to laugh
There's a shouting match
Sharp as a thumbnail scratch
A silence I can't ignore
Like the hammock by the
Doorway we spent time in swings empty
Don't see lightning like last fall
When it was always about to hit me

I wonder how's it going to be
When it goes down
How's it going to be
When you're not around
How's it going to be
When you found out there was nothing
Between you and me
Cause I don't care
How's it going to be

And how's it going to be
When you don't know me anymore
And how's it going to be
Want to get myself back in again
The soft dive of oblivion
I want to taste the salt of your skin
The soft dive of oblivion oblivion

How's it going to be
When you don't know me any more
How's it going to be
How's it going to be

wanderlust

My Lakbayan grade is B!

How much of the Philippines have you visited? Find out at Lakbayan!

Created by Eugene Villar.

flashback to two months ago

Lyin'  here with you so close to me
It's hard to fight these feelings when it feels so hard to breathe
I'm caught up in this moment, caught up in your smile

I've never opened up to anyone
So hard to hold back when I'm holding you in my arms
We don't need to rush this, let's just take it slow

Just a kiss on your lips in the moonlight
Just a touch of the fire burning so bright
And I don't want to mess this thing up
No, I don't want to push too far

Just a shot in the dark that you just might
Be the one I've been waiting for my whole life
So baby, I'm alright with just a kiss goodnight

I know that if we give this a little time
It'll only bring us closer to the love we wanna find
It's never felt so real, no, it's never felt so right

Just a kiss on your lips in the moonlight
Just a touch of the fire burning so bright
No, I don't want to mess this thing up
I don't want to push too far

Just a shot in the dark that you just might
Be the one I've been waiting for my whole life
So baby, I'm alright with just a kiss goodnight

No, I don't want to say goodnight
I know it's time to leave
But you'll be in my dreams
Tonight, tonight, tonight

Just a kiss on your lips in the moonlight
Just a touch of the fire burning so bright
And I don't want to mess this thing up
I don't want to push too far

Just a shot in the dark that you just might
Be the one I've been waiting for my whole life
So baby, I'm alright

Oh, let's do this right with just a kiss goodnight
With a kiss goodnight, kiss goodnight

the five people you meet in heaven

Lost love is still love, Eddie. it takes a different form that's all. you can't see their smile or bring them food or tousle their hair or move them around a dance floor. but when those senses weaken, another heightens. memory. memory becomes your partner. you nurture it. you hold it. you dance with it.

People say they 'find' love, as if it were an object hidden by a rock. but love takes many forms, and it is never the same for any man and woman. what people find then is a certain love. 

That's the thing. sometimes when you sacrifice something precious, you're not really losing it. you're just passing it on to someone else. 

happiness is a choice

and so i was feeling a little down today because of unfortunate events last weekend, and then just a moment ago i came across one of my favorite lines from Eat, Pray, Love: 

Lord, please help me memorize this feeling of contentment and help me always to support it.

i've always made that prayer every time i am feeling satisfied with my life. that i wish that kind of feeling would be etched in my memory so i can always go back to it and be inspired by it when i am feeling a little sad. it may be hard to remember that feeling of contentment when your heart is crying but it is worth a try. remember, happiness is a choice. so now i am in the process of going back to that feeling of happiness. of how it feels like to be content. i know someday, not too long from now that i will finally have that kind of feeling again. :)  

para sa iyo

Wag ka nang umiyak sa mundong pabago-bago
Pag-ibig ko ay totoo
Ako ang bangka
Kung magalit man ang alon at panahon
Sabay tayong aahon

Kung wala ka ng maintindihan
Kung wala ka ng makapitan
Kapit ka sa akin
Hindi kita bibitawan
Wag ka nang umiyak mahaba man ang araw
Uuwi ka sa yakap ko
Wag mo nang damdamin
Kung wala ako sa iyong tabi
Iiwan ko ang puso ko sayo
At kung pakiramdaman mo'y
Wala ka ng kakampi
Isipin mo ako dahil
Puso't isip ko'y nasa iyong tabi

so kiss me goodbye because im defying gravity

somewhere along our life's journey, we lose people close to our hearts.not the kind who pass away in this world, because that is beyond our control. the kind of people im talking about here are those who chose to leave us for reasons we may not understand yet, but definitely because its part of the plan.

now when i was younger and immature, i tend to sulk at these partings.it took me a long time to finally get over it. i had separation anxiety.big time.

going through life experiences like these has definitely made me a stronger person.reading books and having constant dialogues with sensible people has also helped me a lot in managing difficult situations.

now i realized that we really should not feel bad about the people who leave us.how about putting yourself in their shoes and try to see things based from their perspective? yes, they chose to leave because its the best thing to do. we may not understand it yet when the pain is still fresh, but someday it will all make sense. and the most important thing i learned is that dont force people to stay when they've already made a decision to go. in fact, you should initiate it when you begin to notice that they are not happy anymore. they will love you more for that, trust me. i am proud to say that i am beginning to master this it is almost an art.

so i thank those who left, for the memory they have left behind. and the moments shared with them.but more importantly, for the lessons learned and for taking part in making me a better person.  

signs of stress

time check: 1:26am. 

i was feeling stressed out from work so i decided to take a break and paint my nails shining shimmering furfle!and when paired with my green sandals they make a nice eggplant feet!hahaha. :D

love letter

s,
dude swerte mo lang at syo tumama ang pagbabagong buhay ko.hahaha.sadyang masaklap lang na hindi ka nakakaintindi ng tagalog kaya humanap ka ng translator mo mheyn.

nagmamahal,
k

balanced diet.haha.

goodbye my almost lover

Your fingertips across my skin
The palm trees swaying in the wind, images
You sang me Spanish lullabies
The sweetest sadness in your eyes, clever trick

Well, I'd never want to see you unhappy
I thought you'd want the same for me

Goodbye, my almost lover
Goodbye, my hopeless dream
I'm trying not to think about you
Can't you just let me be?

So long, my luckless romance
My back is turned on you
Should've known you'd bring me heartache
Almost lovers always do

We walked along a crowded street
You took my hand and danced with me in the shade
And when you left you kissed my lips
You told me you would never ever forget these images, no

Well, I?d never want to see you unhappy
I thought you?d want the same for me


Goodbye, my almost lover
Goodbye, my hopeless dream
I'm trying not to think about you
Can't you just let me be?

So long, my luckless romance
My back is turned on you
Should've known you'd bring me heartache
Almost lovers always do

I cannot go to the ocean
I cannot try the streets at night
I cannot wake up in the morning
Without you on my mind

So you're gone and I'm haunted
And I bet you are just fine
Did I make it that easy to walk
Right in and out of my life?

Goodbye, my almost lover
Goodbye, my hopeless dream
I'm trying not to think about you
Why can't you just let me be?

So long, my luckless romance
My back is turned on you
Should've known you'd bring me heartache
Almost lovers always do

musings on a saturday morning

whenever i am just at home working, my days are not distinguished by weekdays and weekends. every single day when i get up, i immediately turn on the laptop and open Outlook, type in my password and wait for mails to load. open chrome, sign in to meebo, facebook, yahoo and google mail. while all these are loading, i go out and play with kooki for a bit, then prepare breakfast.i eat in front of the laptop.almost always.then i start working while taking calls and chatting with friends in between.

every single day, it has always been like that. i am getting bored. i miss the times when i go to the office and meet  officemates. discuss project direction with the bosses, consult research methods with peers and enjoy lunch with them.i miss being in charge of a project.the challenge of making a proposal look good enough to get funding, and managing the budget when you finally get it. i love the feeling of reporting about your research output and somehow having an influence on policies.

back when i was still doing that job, i also thought of changing careers especially during difficult times. i had thought of going into IT, of becoming a chef. i even considered the idea of becoming a tour guide because of my wanderlust!

being in the corporate world now made me realize that i need not need to change careers. because social research and rural development is where happiness is. funny because i had to move away from it to make me realize that its all i wanted to do after all. 

dealing with change

This is a simple story about two sets of personalities and how they deal with change. One has a very simple outlook in life, the other has a tendency to overanalyze each situation. So when their "cheese" (anything that makes us happy, be it work, relationship, etc) was gone from where they usually got it, they each take a different path to finding cheese nirvana. 
so as expected, the simple guy took off right after he realized there was no cheese anymore.he buckled up and started looking for cheese in other "cheese stations." now the complicated guy, who had made his cheese station his comfort zone took painful steps coming out of his shell to look for new cheese. this is his journey.
Some fear can be good. When you are afraid things are going to get worse if you don't do something, it can prompt you into action. But it is not good when you are so afraid that it keeps you from doing anything.
Whenever he started to get discouraged, he reminded himself that what he was doing, as uncomfortable as it was at the moment, was in reality much better than staying in the cheeseless situation. he was taking control, rather than simply letting things happen to him.
it is safer to search in the maze, than remain in a cheeseless situation.
what you are afraid of is never as bad as what you imagine. the fear that YOU let build up in your mind is worse that the situation that actually exists.
he realized that the cheese had not just disappeared overnight as he had once believed. the amount had been getting smaller, mold may even have begun to grow. he now realized that the change probably would not have taken him by surprise if he had been watching what was happening all along and if he had anticipated change.
smell the cheese often so you know when it is getting old.
he realized the fastest way to change is to laugh at your own folly -- then you can let go and move on quickly. he  learned something useful about moving on from the simple guy.he kept life simple. when the situation changed, he changed and moved with it.
you could be more aware of the need to keep things simple, be flexible, and move quickly.
you did not need to overcomplicate matters or confuse yourself  with fearful beliefs.
youl could notice when the little changes began so that you would be better prepared for the big change that might be coming.
he realized that there is always New Cheese out there whether you recognize it at the time, or not. and that you are rewarded with it when you go past your fear and enjoy the adventure.


he had even found a better part of himself. :)

my new self.haha.

there are days when i wished i had these many hands so i could just finish all work at once. :P

bucket list

i plan to take a breather next year. quit my job and then just travel around the country, even around the world if i can.but i wont be just travelling -- because the more exciting part is to take on odd jobs. these are the jobs which i so wanted to try but was discouraged because they dont pay well.so here's my bucket list for next year:

• tour guide -- live in an island and become the best tour guide evor!
• service crew -- in a nice pasta/pizza restaurant and learn how they prepare their dishes
• dog walker -- i love dogs, period
• sales agent -- id like to see if im good at selling

parang eat, pray, love lang ang drama ni ateh. :P

if only you knew

you came home tired and hungry that night and the first thing you saw was your husband sitting in your living room and you start nagging him with his mess.
if only you knew, he decided to go out early from work that day so he could go to the grocery and surprise you with your favorite meal

spending summer at home

fruits in season.. still awaiting for the avocados to ripen :)

kooki's tub.haha.

mang inasal for the dawgs yeah! :)

well, aside from the fact that they have the best tasting inasal offered by a fastfood restaurant and that Jollibee acquired it for P3B last year.... they also sell chicken bones for the dogs yeah! for P25, you get a kilo of those leftover chicken inasal bones for the dawgs. we have mongrels in the house so they are not sensitive to chicken bones. partey, partey! :) 

my fist attempt at pre-nup pictorials

i wasnt prepared. one afternoon my cousin asked me to tag along so i just grabbed the camera. when we got to the venue, i noticed i only had one bar left. it happens, i know. so here are the output of my first try. :) 

living lite

i have always been with a bad temper. a little disappointment and i will bitch about that for long. but lately though, i have made conscious efforts to be positive always. sure, shit still happens along the way but what good would that do to you if you dwell on it?and please, dont drag people into your misery. i know some unhappy people who rejoice at seeing people fail. lonely, unattached people feel bitter about their so-called friends who have found happiness with their partners. they even insist on that friend that "hey, he's no good, you better break up with him.. yadayada.."

dealing with various personality types have made me realize a lot of things. good friends also added a great deal of wisdom on how to properly handle such personalities. well sometimes, Sun Tzu also comes in. Haha.

someone not giving you enough attention? let him/her be. why would you insist yourself on someone? let them take their time. and in the process, divert your attention to people or activities that make you happy. and when they come back, you should have had a stronger hold of yourself. a little less clingy perhaps?

for people who are bitter about your happiness, let them rot in their miserable world.haha. you cannot infect positive vibes on a person who chose to be unhappy, period. i heard someone say that its not actually about you but their insecurities that drive them in hating you. so its their issue and not yours. wag mo na lang patulan because in the process you will be dragged in their bitter world too. instead shut them out of your system as much as you could. dont let insecurities and bitterness get into you.

while it may sound hard to remain kind when dealing with difficult personalities, it can actually affect positive results in the end. treat each encounter as a challenge to yourself. on how far your patience would stretch. on how far you can tolerate these people. delight in small wins because in the end that would make them a little hostile towards you.

as i write this, i just had a small victory with a difficult person. she always grills me on things, always on the lookout for my mistakes. she also has a habit of using her authority when she herself commits inconsistencies that i point out. and then today, miracle of all miracles, she somehow agreed to my suggestion over an issue. how did i do that? Kindness kills. :)

written ten years ago, published just now :)

you were wrong when you said i didnt like you... we've only just met. i didnt know enough about you so i think its wrong to jump into conclusions that soon.

what i didnt like though was the situation we were in.please understand that i didnt like being married off when life was just stating to begin for me.i am far from those provincial girls who would eagerly jump into a marriage for convenience.

sayang, we could have been friends had we not been into this situation.

i wish you well. have a happy life, R. :)

mixed emotions ba kamo?

i am so furious right now that i would gladly want to cut, slit, and slash his throat all at the same time with a cutter!


when i was applying for my dsl connection, the sales agent told me that they only need my ID for it to get approved. convenient, huh? now when i was browsing their website a few days after i got wired, i read that i am actually entitled to a free wifi modem. so i called up the sales agent and this was our conversation:


me: kuya, may free wifi modem pala yung plan ko?
sales agent (SA): ay opo ma'am. kaso kailangan pa po kasi ng proof of income kapag ganun eh.
me: bakit hindi mo sinabi nung nag-apply ako?
SA: actually ma'am dine-discourage na po namin mga clients kasi nga mas matagal ang processing kapag kailangan  niyo pang mag-produce ng proof of income
waaaaaat????
me: still, you should have told me!what if may proof of income ako dito?
SA: naku ma'am hindi na po pwede kasi na-approve na yung application niyo
tangnangsyet!
me: that's unfair!i am entitled to that and you should have informed me so i would have produced the necessary documents!
SA, cutting me short from my impending rants: ma'am bumili ka na lang, ang kuripot mo naman
me: *censored*  he received a good amount of swearing from a smorgasbord of expletives that i am sure was his first time to hear such words


and we are not done yet, jerk. because tomorrow we will see each other in your manager's office.


calming my nerves
my lilttle steps at photography

of honest people and their families


sometime ago there was jun lozada.now its george rabusa and heidi mendoza on the hot seat. all three exposed  corruption in the government, risking their families' lives in the process. im sure there are a lot more public servants out there who did the same. they may not be as prominent as these people but they all had a common goal, and that is to rid the evils of government. hoping that their sacrifices will somehow result to a more dignified bureaucracy. as i watched the evening news, i cant help but admire mendoza for her dedication to public service especially when she said that she is only accountable to the filipino public and no one else. thank you, ms. mendoza. as a taxpayer myself, i must say i deeply appreciate your efforts. giving justice to our hard earned money. on the other hand, i myself feel like i sacrificed some things for my family while i was still in government, but that is panis compared to what you're doing right now. i can only imagine what you are going through, having the kind of stress i felt, only that yours is a thousand times over.i pray for you and your family, that someday you will lead a normal life again.


welcome to my world, Ma


ever since i started work at home, my mom has since heard me talk to clients, argue with courier staff and saw me walk like a zombie during production period. during these times, she is ever supportive. cooking meals, fighting the urge to nag me about my disastrous room and even arranging for my laundry to be washed. in between these periods, she has also been one of the people who were unwillingly dragged to check out a far-flung beach just to satisfy my urge for adventure. she was consistently complaining while on the way, but when we got to our destination, she screamed with us in delight when we first saw the crashing waves in surip. way to go, Ma!wanna go ziplining with us next? :)

Panagbenga 2011

Sharing with you the schedule of activities for the Panagbenga 2011 in Baguio City:


February 1, 2011 – Grand Opening Parade
February 1 – Mar 6, 2011 – Market Encounter
February 12, 2011– Let A Thousand Flowers Bloom
February 13, 2011 – Pre-Valentine Event & Fluvial Float Parade
February 26, 2011 – Grand Panagbenga Street Parade
February 27, 2011 – Grand Float Parade
February 28 – March 6, 2011 – Session Road in Bloom
March 2, 2011 – Pony Boys Day
March 3, 2011 – Central North Luzon Tourism Fair
March 6, 2011 – Grand Closing Ceremony & Grand Fireworks Display (Flowers in the Sky)


Friends, our home is always open to accommodate you! Php80 na lang pamasahe from our place to Baguio kaya punta na! :)