pera o kaligayahan

peyups.com

Contributed by nescafe_ice13 (Edited by arwen)
Monday, November 03, 2008 @ 04:47:30 PM

Nag-away kami ng nanay ko nung isang araw.

Ang topic? Pera. Nanghihingi kasi siya nang pambayad sa planstadora, at walang maibigay ang tatay ko, dahil 'di pa daw suweldo. At siyempre, dahil nagtatrabaho na 'ko, sa akin siya humingi. Nagkataon namang 'di pa rin ako sumu-suweldo, at malapit nang maubos ang ni-withdraw kong pera.

Kaya kalaunan, nagreklamo siya dahil kulang daw ang binibigay sa kanya para pang-budget sa bahay. Kesyo daw gipit siya sa pamalengke, pang-grocery at pambayad sa kuryente, tubig at iba pang bayarin. Kesyo daw na kami 'yung nagta-trabaho, kaya dapat nagbibigay kami sa bahay. Kesyo kami daw 'yung maraming magpalaba at magpa-plantsa. Kesyo daw dahil mahina ang exports (kung saan nagta-trabaho ang tatay ko), hirap na kami.

Medyo uminit na ang ulo ko. Sabi ko, nagbibigay naman ako nang hinihingi niya (ako kasi ang sumasagot ng tubig at panggrocery). Natigil lang kasi ngayon lang ulit ako nagtrabaho. At ako ang sumasagot sa pang-tuition naming magkapatid. Tutal, nakakaluwang naman kami.

Alam niyo ba ang hirit ng nanay ko? Kasi daw 'di ako kumuha ng trabahong mas malaki ang kita.

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Simula nang nagtrabaho ako, hindi naging issue sa akin ang kikitain ko. Actually, ipinangako ko 'yun sa sarili ko. Ayokong maging pera ang dahilan ng pagtanggap ko sa isang trabaho. Mas gugustuhin kong kumuha ng trabaho na magagamit ko ang pinag-aralan ko (at kung mapapabuti pa 'ko nito), at kung may magagawa akong kapaki-pakinabang. Career growth over compensation, kumbaga.

Tutal, 'di naman ako nahihirapang maghanap ng trabaho. Salamat sa degree kong mula sa UP at ilan sa mga extra-curricular activities, astig ang dating ng resume ko. Okay din naman ang mga employment exams at interviews ko, kaya madali sa aking makakuha ng trabaho.

Naniniwala din kasi akong kasabay ng career growth at prestige na sinasabi ko, darating din 'yung compensation. Sabi nga ng tatay ko, bata pa ako. Experience muna ang habulin ko bago ang suweldo. Handa din naman akong maghintay.

Pero mukhang 'yung mga nakapaligid sa'kin, hindi.

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Noong nag-a-apply ako ng trabaho, marami din namang nag-interview sa'kin. Hanggang ngayong may trabaho na 'ko, may mga tumatawag pa sa'kin. Isa dito ay isang istasyon ng telebisyon kung saan ni-rekomenda ako ng tiyahin ko bilang researcher. Tinatawagan nila ko para mag-exam. Siyempre, paano ko naman sisiputin 'yun, kaya sabi ko 'di ko alam kung kailan ako puwede.

Kinukuwento sa'kin ng tiyahin ko kung ano daw yung mga perks and benefits ng trabahong 'yun. Kesyo daw may free make-over, pa-kotse, bonuses, at mga complimentary passes pa sa mga restaurant, pelikula at concerts. At makikita mo pa at magiging ka-close ang mga artista.

Meron ding isang kumpanyang bahagi ng industry ng tatay ko na kumuha sa'kin. Dito daw, pag nag-travel ka, pinakamalapit na ang Hong Kong. Puwede ka pa daw makarating ng Amerika. Syempre, malaki din ang suweldo at ang opisina sa Makati. Yuppie talaga ang dating mo. Pero tinanggihan ko lahat 'yun.

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Ayaw lang siguro iparinig sa'kin ng nanay ko, pero siguro iniisip niyang baliw ako para tanggihan ang lahat nang 'yun at tanggapin ang trabaho ko ngayon—sa isang ahensya ng gobyerno, sa 'di naman kalakihang suweldo at gipit na oras, pero napakalaki naman ng pagkakataon for career growth at prestige, mabilis ang promotion, at instantly marketable pa sa ibang international organizations.

Iniisip niya sigurong baliw ako dahil mas pinili ko ang maglingkod sa bayan kaysa ang bulsa ko. Na mas pinili ko ang magkulong sa isang opisinang badbad sa burukrasya kaysa makipagbeso-beso sa mga artista, maging yuppie at kumita ng malaki.

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Pero anong magagawa ko? Dito ako masaya. Masaya akong paglingkuran ang bayang nagbayad ng tuition ko bilang Iskolar ng Bayan. Masaya ako sa dito sa trabaho kong nabibigyan ako nang kalayaan ng oras at panahon. Masaya ako at nakakatulong ako sa pagbuo ng mga paraan para umunlad ang mga mas hirap at maliliit pa sa akin.

Sana lang, dasal ko, maintindihan 'yun ng nanay ko.

june 29

Hi, hello, its nice to see you again,
I didn't quite expect this..
I don't know what to say,
Seems so strange to see u standing there
Thought u left forever now u reappear
Yes I know its been a long long time
and yes we left on a sad one note
that let two has said goodbye
but here we are my heart beats once again..
is this a new beginning what can I say
well hello…..

Seems so strange to see u standing there
thought u left forever now u reappear
Yes I know its been a long long time
and yes we left on a sad one note
that let two has said goodbye
but here we are my heart beats once again..
is this a new beginning what can I say
Well hello..

Yes I know its been a long long time
and yes we left on a sad one note
that let two has said goodbye
but here we are my heart beats once again..
Is this a new beginning what can I say
well hello…..

the kind of monday that i ditched long ago

am writing this in naia's terminal 2, waiting for my flight to cotabato. the day started out pretty nice, we took the sctex so we were already in manila in two hours. beat that?

and then its monday, manila-style. i got stuck in traffic for two hours.sheesh.felt like going back to ecija so soon.

back at my workplace, mondays are stress-free.

this is one of the reasons why i would never trade working at the countryside.

she is so ugly!

Have you ever talked face to face to your personal hell on earth? I just did.

I came to her in my usual bubbly mood, greeting her a nice morning, eager to talk. And then came the first blow.

“I can’t talk to you right now, I’m busy.”

So I said, ok I’ll come back later this day na lang.

And then the tongue-lashing started.

She accused me of a lot of things. Most of them stupid assumptions. She just lashed out without even asking me the details. Important facts that would’ve given her the light. But she chose to be a devil.


Have you ever seen someone whose soul was burning in hell even before her Master called her in?




The person I saw had a very ugly face. Scarred, with emotionless eyes. When she opened her mouth to speak it smelled rotten.

would you understand what I meant if I said I was only human?

"It's the safest time of day for us," he said, answering the unspoken question in my
eyes. "The easiest time. But also the saddest, in a way… the end of another day, the
return of the night. Darkness is so predictable, don't you think?" He smiled wistfully.



"Don't you see? That's what proves me right. I care the most, because if I can do it" — he shook his head, seeming to struggle with the thought — "if leaving is the right thing to do, then I'll hurt myself to keep from hurting you, to keep you safe."

I glared. "And you don't think I would do the same?"



"You'd never have to make the choice."




--- twilight

it's sad to belong

"yes its sad to belong to someone else
when the right one comes along..."

thought of this song as i struggled to keep myself from getting more depressed than i already was this morning. the painful reality hit me. i am no longer happy with this part of my life. and then suddenly, unexpectedly, something came along. something oh-so-perfect... that it tore the very thin line that is binding me to my present. this was something i wished for... i actually didn't think something like this existed, or something like this is within my reach.. i can almost touch it. it came to me at a time when i am so disappointed with the situation im in. it is a great escape to my frustration.

but alas, i cant embrace it.. at least for now. you see, i am already committed with my present. a commitment that i was forced to make. i remember saying that we should make the situation work for us, no matter how difficult. we should not let the situation dictate our lives. we should be the one in charge.

and so this morning i made a very painful decision to let it go... i made a commitment to my present and i will stick to it.


no matter how unhappy i would be.

i cant disappoint the people who trusted me. there are special people in my life who are counting a lot from that promise i made.

my heart is crying a painful sob.

this is not about my lovelife. its about work.