Showing posts with label excerpts. Show all posts
Showing posts with label excerpts. Show all posts

Thursday, March 6

and because its women's month...

... i cant help but talk about women stuff.not the boring kind, like crocheting and cross-stitching and baking (that's too domestic for me, sorry); rather, indulge me about some things that
i, as a woman (id like to think so, hah!) encountered. like what the feminist group EBa in UP Baguio says, ang buhay ng bawat babae ay isang engkwentro.

so let me tell you about the encounters iv had had:

1. i lived with a grandmother who was Fred Flintstones' neighbor. yeah, yeah, she was a die- hard stone-age old lady.she expected me to be prim and proper, to be meek and mild, to wear skirts and sit in a corner furiously crocheting. when i was in high school, she openly showed her discontent when i would invite my friends over who suffered asphyxiation when they cant laugh their lungs out.she even had this idea that girls should never go to boy's houses and vice versa.so imagine her horror when conrad started to frequent the house! i enjoy provoking my dear old grandmother. i mean, dont get me wrong. i would have a different mother if not for her and i wudnt want that, but c'mon man. *sighs* you get my drift now? and she should thank me every time i exercise her bloodstream to go really high. di ba there's this theory na if you've been exposed to the same kind of stress, it would make your system immune?she never suffered from hypertension during those times. plamis. when i got out of the house during college and after that, she had hypertension attacks every now and then. see?


2. during college, i was oriented with feminist ideas. they say you have three degrees of feminism. (disclaimer: i am may not use socially acceptable, politically correct terms here, ok? these are just products of my delusions during college.my own interpretation.)
  • feminists who think they are not getting as much human rights as men enjoy. they think women are better off than men. if you were to talk to this kind of fem, shed say, "dapat mas maging angat ang mga kababaihan sa lahat ng bagay!mga lalaki ipis lang sila!panis kayo meyn!" whew.
  • feminists who think that there is discrimination in this world, whether against them or against men. they fight for their rights alongside those of men. they dont want to antagonize their men, lest they refuse to give them their sperms.mwaha.
  • feminists who believe that men are dim wits and have no place in the world.they have the cruel world syndrome, like what my deviant sociology taught me.they see men as chauvinist pigs who should be eliminated in the face of the earth.they dont need men, period. imagine this scenario: me: "so pano yan, wala kang boylet?ganun?" her: "hindi ko sila kailangan!gusto ko kami-kami lang." taray ng lola mo!
3. sometimes the society cant help but treat women as vulnerable, like some crystal vase that should be protected always. there are several manifestations of this:
  • male friends who offer to carry your bag, books, groceries and even laundry when your walking with them. i mean, salamat pare but i can handle it pa naman ok? ill call for help when i need to haul that sack of rice or that shellane to my 3rd floor apartment.and yes, i find men cute when they're sweating like there's an invisible scented shower following them around.haha.
  • men who offer seats at crowded buses. when i was in high school i get furious when i get to stand in the bus while men are sitting comfortably in their seats. all that changed in college and when i started commuting in manila.again, i say thank you for the offer but! it was my fault i went back to sleep after my alarm tried to wake me up, my fault when i had to shower for too long, and my fault when i had to change my clothes three times because i thought the colors didn't match.ayan tuloy naabutan ko ang rush hour sa bus.so you see?for all i know you had to skip breakfast and run like hell just to get a seat on that bus, only to give it to someone who was late because she was vain. nasaan ang katarungan don? nasaaaaaannn???
  • men who offer to pay everything when going out. pamasahe sa dyip, movie tickets, burger meal at mcdo.i mean, pareho lang nman siguro kayong sumusweldo na di ba?wag naman masyadong user friendly kapatid!i love men who let me pay for dinners and movies.yun lang.im not filthy rich; just that i dont mind spending money for friends.im not conscious about getting my wallet fat with cash.id rather spend it for coffee and have a good talk with friends in return.
4. sexual harassment. im not claiming i have a body like mrs. pitt, but yeah, there were instances where men made sexual innuendos toward me. i remember during first year college, i sat with a maniac in a victory bus on the way to baguio. i was in the window seat so i was an easy prey.the experience taught me to always choose aisle seats when commuting. when i started work in manila, there was a guy who masturbated in front of me on a jeepney. horror talaga! buti na lang few weeks before that happened, my manila grown officemates advised me not to show emotion in front of exhibitionists. i remember what they told me, "wag kang magpapakita ng takot at lalong wag kang maglalaway!" yes mam!yes sir! haha. i love my officemates dearly.

5. peer pressure on 20something single women like me. disclaimer again: i am not the kind of "kami-kami" feminists, ok? that's not the reason why i remain single after college. its just that... i have a jinx in relationships i guess.but what irritates me is when people make comments like "mag-asawa ka na! you're not getting any younger!" marriage at 25? owkamon meyn. i was almost married off when i was 18 and i dont want any of that yet. besides, i dont mind being single. im happy with the friends i have. hindi lang dapat lalaki ang basehan ng kaligayahan ng mga kababaihan. rakenrol!

6. girly/kikay stuff. i dont like kikay stuff.period.but subscribing to non-girlie stuff doesnt make you a tomboy ok?i have my own definition of femininity.


to cap things off, id like to share an excerpt of Eve Ensler's Vagina Monologues:


Let's just start with the word “vagina.” It sounds like an infection at best, maybe a medical instrument: “Hurry, Nurse, bring me the vagina.” “Vagina.” “Vagina.” Doesn't matter how many times you say it, it never sounds like a word you want to say. It's a totally ridiculous, completely unsexy word. If you use it during sex, trying to be politically correct-“Darling, could you stroke my vagina?”-you kill the act right there.

I'm worried about vaginas, what we call them and don't call them.

In Great Neck, they call it a pussycat. A woman there told me that her mother used to tell her, “Don't wear panties underneath your pajamas, dear; you need to air out your pussycat.” In Westchester they called it a pooki, in New Jersey a twat. There's “powderbox,” “derrière,” a “poochi,” a “poopi,” a “peepe,” a “poopelu,” a “poonani,” a “pal” and a “piche,” “toadie,” “dee dee,” “nishi,” “dignity,” “monkey box,” “coochi snorcher,” “cooter,” “labbe,” “Gladys Siegelman,” “VA,” “wee wee,” “horsespot,” “nappy dugout,” “mongo,” a “pajama,” “fannyboo,” “mushmellow,” a “ghoulie,” “possible,” “tamale,” “tottita,” “Connie,” a “Mimi” in Miami, “split knish” in Philadelphia, and “schmende” in the Bronx. I am worried about vaginas.

You cannot love a vagina unless you love hair. Many people do not love hair. My first and only husband hated hair. He said it was cluttered and dirty. He made me shave my vagina. It looked puffy and exposed and like a little girl. This excited him. When he made love to me, my vagina felt the way a beard must feel. It felt good to rub it, and painful. Like scratching a mosquito bite. It felt like it was on fire. There were screaming red bumps. I refused to shave it again. Then my husband had an affair. When we went to marital therapy, he said he screwed around because I wouldn't please him sexually. I wouldn't shave my vagina. The therapist had a thick German accent and gasped between sentences to show her empathy. She asked me why I didn't want to please my husband. I told her I thought it was weird. I felt little when my hair was gone down there, and I couldn't help talking in a baby voice, and the skin got irritated and even calamine lotion wouldn't help it. She told me marriage was a compromise. I asked her if shaving my vagina would stop him from screwing around. I asked her if she'd had many cases like this before. She said that questions diluted the process. I needed to jump in. She was sure it was a good beginning.

This time, when we got home, he got to shave my vagina. It was like a therapy bonus prize. He clipped it a few times, and there was a little blood in the bathtub. He didn't even notice it, 'cause he was so happy shaving me. Then, later, when my husband was pressing against me, I could feel his spiky sharpness sticking into me, my naked puffy vagina. There was no protection. There was no fluff.

I realized then that hair is there for a reason-it's the leaf around the flower, the lawn around the house. You have to love hair in order to love the vagina. You can't pick the parts you want. And besides, my husband never stopped screwing around.

I asked all the women I interviewed the same questions and then I picked my favorite answers. Although I must tell you, I've never heard an answer I didn't love. I asked women:

“If your vagina got dressed, what would it wear?”

A beret.
A leather jacket.
Silk stockings.
Mink.
A pink boa.
A male tuxedo.
Jeans.
Something formfitting.
Emeralds.
An evening gown.
Sequins.
Armani only.
A tutu.
See-through black underwear.
A taffeta ball gown.
Something machine washable.
Costume eye mask.
Purple velvet pajamas.
Angora.
A red bow.
Ermine and pearls.
A large hat full of flowers.
A leopard hat.
A silk kimono.
Sweatpants.
A tattoo.
An electrical shock device to keep unwanted strangers away.
High heels.
Lace and combat boots.
Purple feathers and twigs and shells.
Cotton.
A pinafore.
A bikini.
A slicker.

***
saw this from my brod's site:



HAPPY WOMEN'S MONTH EVERYONE!

Thursday, February 21

ang libro ni hudas ni bob ong

"What do I have to do to get your attention?
Take out an ad in the paper?"

God

"Earthlings, don't treat me like an alien."

God

"How can you possibly be a self-made man?
I specifically recall creating you."

God

"You think it's hot here?"

God

"Could you imagine the price of air
if it were brought to you by another supplier?"

God

"Will the road you're on get you to my place?"

God

"Need directions?"

God

"Please don't drink and drive,
you're not quite ready to meet me yet."

God

"I think you're the most beautiful person in the world.
Okay, so I'm biased."

God

"Follow me."

God

"Don't forget your umbrella,
I might water the plants today."

God

"Tao po...!"

<%>

"Ano 'yon?"

God

"Magandang araw ho!
Pasensya na ho sa istorbo,
may kausap yata kayo...."

<%>

"Hindi, wala. Binabasa ko lang yung
mga billboard na nakikita ko sa highway.
Ano'ng maipaglilingkod ko sa'yo?"

God

"Itatanong ko lang ho sana
kung talagang patay na ko."

<%>

"Naku! Anak, pasensya na.
Wala sa akin ang mga listahan e.
Baka s'ya makatulong sa'yo."

God

"Sino ho?"

<%>

<. - - .> Ako! Ako! Hehe….
<%> Huh?
<. - - .> Ano’ng problema?
<%> Itatanong ko lang ho sana kung—
<. - - .> Ah, oo. Patay ka na. Hehe….
<%> Pero bakit…
<%> Kailan…
<%> Paano nangyari ‘yon?
<. - - .> Sandali…
<. - - .> ..
<. - - .> …
<. - - .> .
<. - - .> A-hah!
<. - - .> Ayon sa record mo, nagbasa ka ng libro.
<%> Ho?!?!
<. - - .> Oo... nagbasa ka nga ng libro.
<. - - .> Siguro nakatulog ka pagkatapos magbasa…
<. - - .> nakalimutan mong nasa tuktok ka ng flag pole.
<%> Hindi ho!
<. - - .> O baka naman nakasandal ka sa isang pader,
<. - - .> tapos naipasok mo ang daliri mo sa isang electrical outlet.
<%> Hindi rin ho!
<. - - .> Aba eh wag mo na kong pahulain.
<. - - .> Ikaw ang namatay, dapat alam mo kung bakit at paano.
<%> Kaya nga ho ako nagtatanong e.
<. - - .> Sandali… may naisip ako….
<. - - .> Ano'ng libro ba ang binasa mo?
<. - - .> Hindi kaya isa ka rin sa mga nagbasa ng paboritong libro ni hudas?
<%> Oo nga ho...
<. - - .> Bulls eye!!!
<%> Paano n’yo nalaman?
<. - - .> Hehe… marami nang nauna sa'yo.
<. - - .> Binasa mo ang libro pero hindi mo inalam ang mga bagay-bagay tungkol dito.
<%> Huh?
<. - - .> Sige nga, ano ba ang alam mo tungkol sa libro na ‘yon?
<%> Kahit anong tungkol sa libro?
<. - - .> …
<%> Basta ang alam ko, meron daw ‘yon missing chapter,
<%> sadyang tinanggal nang ipasa ng sumulat ang manuscript sa publisher.
<. - - .> Ano pa?
<%> Um… bago magkaroon ng paboritong libro si hudas,
<%> nagkaroon muna s'ya ng paboritong website,
<%> pero may pagkakaiba ang dalawa.
<. - - .> …
<%> …may kinalaman kaunti sila Ryan and Jacob sa libro.
<. - - .> Sino?
<%> Basta, makikita 'yon sa search engine.
<. - - .> Pero bakit tinawag 'yong paboritong libro ni hudas?
<%> Ah, alam ko ‘yan! Trick question ‘yan.
<%> Tulad ni Fats Waller, sasagutin ka lang ng sumulat ng:
<%> “If you hafta ask, you ain’t never gonna know!”
<%> ..
<%> Ano pa ba…?
<%> .
<%> At nga pala! ‘Yung sumulat ng libro…
<%> hindi totoong sumali s’ya sa Laban o Bawi.
<. - - .> ...
<%> Marami pa kong alam tungkol sa kanya. Gusto mo?
<. - - .> Sige lang…
<%> Sabi sa isang death clock sa Internet, hindi na raw s’ya aabot sa taong 2049.
<. - - .> Sino?
<%> ‘Yung sumulat ng paboritong libro ni hudas.
<. - - .> Hehe...
<%> Dahil masyadong matipid, buwanan lang s’ya pumasyal sa barberya.
<%> Kung hihingan mo s’ya ngayon ng joke, ang maibibigay n’ya sa’yo ay ang tungkol sa “horny eagle”.
<%> Alam ko rin na isa s’ya sa mga nabanggit na “Nonoy” sa libro. Kasalukuyan s’yang may pinagkakaabalahan na alagang hayop… at nagamit n’ya ang “F” word nang kagatin s’ya nito habang—
<. - - .> Sige, sige... ayos na....
<. - - .> Marami ka ngang alam, pero tila yata hindi mo alam ang pinaka importanteng bagay tungkol sa libro.
<%> Ano?
<. - - .> Pagkatapos mong basahin ito, mamamatay ka.
<%> HA?!?!
<. - - .> Surprise!
<%> Sandali... alam ko biro lang ‘yon, diba?
<. - - .> Depende.
<. - - .> Hiram lang ba ang kopya mo ng libro tapos hindi mo na ibinalik sa may-ari?
<%> Hindi ah!
<. - - .> Shoplifter ka?
<%> Lalong hindi!
<. - - .> Tinapos mo lang bang basahin sa tindahan ang libro at hindi mo binili?
<%> Hindi rin!
<. - - .> Nagpa-xerox ka?
<%> Ba’t mo alam?

"We need to talk."

God

Wednesday, June 27

Being Twenty-Something

as quoted:

They call it the "Quarterlife Crisis." It is when I stop going along with the crowd and start realizing that there are a lot of things about myself that I didn't know and may not like. I start feeling insecure and wonder where I will be in a year or two, but then get scared because I barely know where I am now.

I start realizing that people are selfish and that, maybe, those friends that I thought I were so close to aren't exactly the greatest people I have ever met and the people I have lost touch with are some of the most important ones. What I do not realize is that they are realizing that too
and are not really cold or catty or mean or insincere, but that they are as confused as I am.

I look at my job. It is not even close to what I thought I would be doing or maybe I am looking for one and realizing that I am going to have to start at the bottom and are scared.

I miss the comforts of college, of groups, of socializing with the same people on a constant basis. But then I realize that maybe they weren't so great after all. I am beginning to understand myself and what I want and do not want.

My opinions have gotten stronger. I see what others are doing and find myself judging a bit more than usual because suddenly I realize that I have certain boundaries in my life and add things to my list of what is acceptable and what is not.

I am insecure and then secure. I laugh and cry with the greatest force of my life. I feel alone and scared and confused. Suddenly change is the enemy and I try and cling on to the past with dear life but soon realize that the past is drifting further and further away and there is nothing to
do but stay where I am or move forward.

I get my heart broken and wonder how someone I loved could do such damage to me or I lay in bed and wonder why I can't meet anyone decent enough to get to know better. I love someone but maybe love someone else too and cannot figure out why I am doing this because I am not a bad person.

I worry about loans and money and the future and making a life for myself and while winning the race would be great, right now I'd just like to be a contender!

What I may not realize is that everyone reading this relates to it. We are in our best of times and our worst of times, trying as hard as we can to figure this whole thing out.

Friday, February 16

down there by sandra cisneros

Yes,
I want to talk at length about Men-
struation. Or my period.
Or the rag as you so lovingly put it.
All right then.

I'd like to mention my rag time.

Gelatinous. Steamy
and lovely to the light to look at
like a good glass of burgundy. Suddenly
I'm artist each month.
The star inside this like a ruby.
Fascinating bits of sticky
I-don't-know-what stuff.
The afterbirth without the birth.
The gobs of a strawberry jam.
Membrane stretchy like
saliva in your hand.

It's important you feel it's slickness,
understand the the texture isn't bloody at all.
That you don't gush
between the legs. Rather,
it unravels itself like string
from some deep deep center--
like a Russain subatomic submarine,
or better, like a mad Karlov cackling
behind beakers and blooping spirals.
Still with me?

Oh I know, darling,
I'm indulging, but indulge
me if you please.
I find the subject charming.

In fact,
I'd like to dab my fingers
in my inkwell
and write a poem across the wall.
"A Poem of Womanhood"
Now wouldn't that be something?

Words writ in blood. But no,
not blood at all, I told you.
If blood is thicker than water, then
menstruation is thicker than brother-
hood. And the way

it metamorhposizes! Dazzles.
Changing daily
like starlight.
From the first
transparent drop of light
to the fifth day chocolate paste.

I haven't mentioned smell. Think
Persian rug.
But thicker. Think
cello.
But richer.
A sweet exotic stuff
from an ancient prehistoric center.
Dark, distinct,
and excellently
female.

--- From the collection, Loose Woman

Wednesday, February 14

Sonnet XVII

I do not love you as if you were salt-rose, or topaz,
or the arrow of carnations the fire shoots off.
I love you as certain dark things are to be loved,
in secret, between the shadow and the soul.

I love you as the plant that never blooms
but carries in itself the light of hidden flowers;
thanks to your love a certain solid fragrance,
risen from the earth, lives darkly in my body.

I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where.
I love you straightforwardly, without complexities or pride;
so I love you because I know no other way

than this: where I does not exist, nor you,
so close that your hand on my chest is my hand,
so close that your eyes close as I fall asleep.

Thursday, February 8

bestfrnd paksyet! (peyups.com)

May sikreto akong aaminin sa’yo…

Mayroong nangyaring hindi mo alam…
Itong isang lihim, itinagong kay tagal…

Ayokong sirain kung anuman ang meron tayo. Matagal-tagal na rin kasi tayong magkaibigan noh!

Alam mo ba na nagulat ako nung araw na tinawag mo akong bestfriend? Leche. Sawang sawa na ako sa bestfriend bestfriend na yan! Huling beses na nagkaroon ako ng "bestfriend”, napahamak lang ang puso ko. Nasira pa ang isang pagkakaibigang itinatangi ko. Saka, heller! May bestfriend na kaya ako!

Di ko noon nakayang ipadama sayo…
Ang nararamdaman ng pusong ito…

Hindi ko naman kasi ineexpect na meron akong mararamdaman. Ika ko nga, i-deny hangga’t kaya. Feeling ko hindi pa ako handa. Feeling ko nalungkot lang ako, na kinailangan ko lang ng makakasama. Makulit ka kasi, jologs din. Mapang-asar pero malambing. Malay ko bang darating sa punto na ikaw ay isa sa mga iilang dahilang nagpapangiti sa akin at nagkukumpleto ng araw ko?

Di ko alam kung ano ang nangyari…
Damdamin ko sayo’y hindi ko nasabi…

Humingi ako ng sign. Sabi ko dati hindi na ako naniniwala sa soulmates, sa fate at destiny eklavu na iyan pero hayun ako, eengot-engot na nagmakaawa sa kalangitang pagbigyan ako sa kahilingan ko. Tatlong beses akong humiling, tatlong beses rin ako sinagot.

At hanggang ngayon, naaalala pa…

I got what I asked for and guess what? Nasaktan ako.

Masakit kasi kahit papaano umasa na rin ako. Mahirap balewalain ang boses sa utak kong nagsasabing kalimutan ko na lang kung anuman itong nararamdaman ko kasi sobrang imposible na kaya mong suklian ito.

Pride? Siguro.

Nakanaman kasi. Bakit ang labo mo? Bakit ang dami mo nang sinabi pero hindi mo naman pinatunayan? Sobrang inconsistent mo. Sana ginalingan mo na din ang pagtiming para sana ayos lahat ngayon.

Bad trip talaga. Sawi talaga siguro ako.

Hay. I guess it just wasn’t meant to be.

Muntik na kitang minahal…

Wednesday, January 31

tatsulok

i was in my usual work-mode while tuning in to a pop radio station when suddenly.. bam! heard a familiar voice singing TATSULOK.i wanted to cry.i wanted to scream. i was excited. i was used to hearing it during rallies in coleg. it was like the song only existed in the consciousness of activists and the rest who are involved in the progressive movement. who could this singer be? when i googled it, i learned it was actually bamboo who revived the song and is included in their upcoming album.to the band: isang taas kamaong pagsaludo sa inyo!


this song made me pause and got me into thinking. three years after shouting my lungs out in the streets protesting against tuition fee hikes and erap's impeachment, what contributions did i make to improve the social condition?where have all the fire and passion gone?did i turn out to be just another apolitical yuppie in the jungle?what do i know now about tuition fee hikes in UP? what do i think about the subic rape case?have my opinions against GMA's administration changed?have i turned to be a sympathizer to Palparan's men?as i write this i can feel disorientation creeping through my consciousness.i am slowly realizing the bitter fact that i am slowly being dragged towards the center without any protest.

so thank you to this song for pulling me back.


listen to this
Totoy bilisan mo, bilisan mo ang takbo
Ilagan ang mga bombang nakatutok sa ulo mo
Totoy tumalon ka, dumapa kung kailangan
At baka tamaan pa ng mga balang ligaw

Totoy makinig ka, wag kang magpa-gabi
Baka mapagkamalan ka’t humandusay dyan sa tabi
Totoy alam mo ba kung ano ang puno’t dulo
Ng di matapos-tapos na kaguluhang ito

Hindi pula’t dilaw tunay na magkalaban
Ang kulay at tatak ay di syang dahilan
Hangga’t marami ang lugmok sa kahirapan
At ang hustisya ay para lang sa mayaman

Habang may tatsulok at sila ang nasa tuktok
Di matatapos itong gulo

At ang dating munting bukid, ngayo’y sementeryo
Totoy kumilos ka, baliktarin ang tatsulok
Tulad ng dukha, nailagay mo sa tuktok.