jeepney

just last week when i was on my way back to nueva ecija from pangasinan, i rode with a pregnant mother and her two little sons in the jeepney from san jose to munoz. she looked frail, her children malnourished. she actually begged the driver if they could ride the jeep to cabanatuan. she had no money left, she said. the driver agreed with a grunt. i thought, oh well, na-pressure lang ito from the curious stares of his passengers kaya pumayag. just as they were seated, the lady next to them started asking a barrage of questions.

taga-san ba kayo?
sa penaranda pa po..

naku, eh ang layo pa nun a!

….

---o, etong kwarenta, pamasahe nio.

kunin mo na!abay wag ka ng umarte.nasaan ba asawa mo?

nasa kulungan po..

anoo?!wag mo ng palabasin!hayaan mong mabulok sa kulungan yan.kita mo nga’t binuntis ka pa ulit!

…..

the woman cant help but cry.not just because of the helplessness of the situation she was into, but more of the humiliation she got from that woman. The jeepney was packed with employees rushing for work on that Monday morning, so just imagine the stares she got from these people who were all immaculately dressed in their corporate attires while she and her two children wore old, mangy clothes. One passenger, an old man who looked like a farmer, handed her P40 for their fare. Penaranda is still a long way from cabanatuan.

It just struck me as something really ironic that all the elite, more capable people riding in that jeep did not care about her, they just stood there and watched the drama unfold. One by one, they got off from the jeep… phil carabao center, bureau of post harvest, central Luzon state university, denr… an elementary teacher in Munoz. No one bothered to offer her money, which was what she badly needed that time. when the jeep neared the staff dorm, I handed her a hundred peso bill and hurriedly got off.she thanked me in a hushed tone, and I gave her a smile.

At the office later that day, I cant help but compare the jeepney with the society we have.it has become selfish and impersonal, where the privileged few are so caught up in their comfortable, neat world…never caring for those who are in need.i must admit there were times when I was also guilty with that. I was so busy thinking about my problems with work, with the mp3 player of my phone, my plane ticket reimbursement that I failed to get involved in the real world. I did not have time to comfort my sister when she was having problems with her relationship, I ignored my mom’s sentiments about her sister, i postponed a meet-up with a friend because of a deadline, without knowing she’s leaving for the states na pala.i immersed myself with things that gave me temporary happiness.

I just hope that it isn’t too late yet to make up for all the things I missed.

Being Twenty-Something

as quoted:

They call it the "Quarterlife Crisis." It is when I stop going along with the crowd and start realizing that there are a lot of things about myself that I didn't know and may not like. I start feeling insecure and wonder where I will be in a year or two, but then get scared because I barely know where I am now.

I start realizing that people are selfish and that, maybe, those friends that I thought I were so close to aren't exactly the greatest people I have ever met and the people I have lost touch with are some of the most important ones. What I do not realize is that they are realizing that too
and are not really cold or catty or mean or insincere, but that they are as confused as I am.

I look at my job. It is not even close to what I thought I would be doing or maybe I am looking for one and realizing that I am going to have to start at the bottom and are scared.

I miss the comforts of college, of groups, of socializing with the same people on a constant basis. But then I realize that maybe they weren't so great after all. I am beginning to understand myself and what I want and do not want.

My opinions have gotten stronger. I see what others are doing and find myself judging a bit more than usual because suddenly I realize that I have certain boundaries in my life and add things to my list of what is acceptable and what is not.

I am insecure and then secure. I laugh and cry with the greatest force of my life. I feel alone and scared and confused. Suddenly change is the enemy and I try and cling on to the past with dear life but soon realize that the past is drifting further and further away and there is nothing to
do but stay where I am or move forward.

I get my heart broken and wonder how someone I loved could do such damage to me or I lay in bed and wonder why I can't meet anyone decent enough to get to know better. I love someone but maybe love someone else too and cannot figure out why I am doing this because I am not a bad person.

I worry about loans and money and the future and making a life for myself and while winning the race would be great, right now I'd just like to be a contender!

What I may not realize is that everyone reading this relates to it. We are in our best of times and our worst of times, trying as hard as we can to figure this whole thing out.

quarter life crisis

Might be a quarter-life crisis
Or just a stirrin' in my soul
Either way
I wonder sometimes
About the outcome
Of a still verdictless life
Am I living it right
--- Why Georgia (John Mayer)

ive been having these anxieties since i
started work.yung feeling mo restless
ka, clueless with the direction of my
career, torn between my responsibility
to provide for my family and take on a
dream job na mababa ang sweldo.and yes,
whether to take the plunge and go with
the chosen career despite violent
protests of family and friends, tapos
hindi ko din sure if i can stand by my
decision and make it big sa career na
yun.*sigh* so there, i thought i had
this quarter-life crisis crap and
syetness!wikipedia gave me an idea of my
so-called crisis.so here goes... Ü

The quarterlife crisis (QLC) is a term
applied to the period of life
immediately following the major changes
of adolescence, usually ranging from
ages 21 The term is named by analogy
with mid-life crisis. It is now
recognised by many therapists and
professionals in the mental health field.

Characteristics of quarter-life crisis
include:

* feeling "not good enough" because
one can't find a job that is at one's
academic/intellectual level
* frustration with relationships,
the working world, and finding a
suitable job or career
* confusion of identity
* insecurity regarding the near future
* insecurity regarding present
accomplishments
* re-evaluation of close
interpersonal relationships
* disappointment with one's job
* nostalgia for university or
college life
* tendency to hold stronger opinions
* boredom with social interactions
* financially-rooted stress
* loneliness
* desire to have children
* a sense that everyone is, somehow,
doing better than you